30 years ago today: choices

My daughter is in her senior year of high school and I've been working hard at getting her ready for college. Thinking back to my life 30 years ago, I remember I was in my first year of college.   It was 1983 and I had graduated high school early the previous Spring, and started college my last semester. I had decided to go to a particular college, partly because it was easy and convenient, partly because it was an inexpensive option for me, and partly because of the friends I had made who were going there. It wasn't necessarily a very well thought out plan, but it was a plan, practical and doable. I went back to walk my graduation ceremony with my high
school class, then spent the Summer traveling with a music team for the college. I had declared my major that previous semester as education, but something was just not jiving. I didn't enjoy the classes in my major. I couldn't get into them. Then I remembered back to when I was 11 at church camp and felt whatever you want to call it, be it a "calling on my life", an interest, fascination with overseas mission work. I decided to change my major to "Missions", and suddenly everything made sense. I had a renewed purpose for my life, enjoyed the courses I was taking and had a passion for something. That passion drove me forward through the next 7 years of college.

I took little baby steps of faith, and with each step I could see a little more of the bigger picture of what God could do with my life. At the time I prayed that God would show me His path for me. Looking back, I think there are many paths I could have taken. Many of them I believe could have been possible scenarios in God's will. Many paths I could have taken were clearly not in His will. I made some choices in faith and He blessed them. I made other choices, and was disappointed many times by the turn of events that unfolded differently than I had hoped. But with each turn, my life was being molded and defined, partly by the choices I made, partly by the circumstances around me beyond my control, and then by my reactions to them.

This is what life is all about. The choices we make, and how we react to things that happen to us of which we have no control. You develop a crush on a boy, then your best friend starts to date him and eventually marries him. You have a choice to pursue a deeper walk with God to gain better discernment, or to try and drown out the pain by pursuing someone else or some form of addiction. You feel your pride is bruised, so you either become meditative and reflective, praying for God to show you what you can learn from this or where you went wrong, or you try to rally your courage and self-confidence by being dramatic, doing bold, daring impulsive things with your friends. A trajedy strikes, and you curl up in a ball of depression and never recover, or unleash your anger at God in a life of scinicism and rejection of Him, or you say "blessed be the name of the Lord." That leads you to the next step of many different paths.

I know there were many times I questioned why God let certain events unfold in my life. I seemed to be lost at times, and often felt like He had overlooked me. I think I was driven to a closer walk with Him because I didn't want to be an ordinary casualty of life, tossed here and there by the waves of events out of my control. I wanted God to make something meaningful out of my life.  I now look back at some of those "unfortunate turn of events" and I'm thankful for the outcome. I don't know whether I was just the "lucky draw" of a twist of fate, or if God was protecting me from huge mistakes and guiding me along a better path. I like to think it was the latter. But then who am I to understand the God of the universe who "causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust." I can only thank Him for what He has given, and pray for wisdom and discernment for the future, for me and my children as they embark on their journey.