On adversity, God’s Will and open doors

I always walked through life with the belief that God would lead me through the “open door” philosophy. If a door presented itself, I would go through it until a door closed. But going through many doors brought many obstacles as well, which then many claimed were obstacles put there by Satan and if I prayed hard enough I could overcome them through spiritual warfare. How is one to discern then if something is spiritual opposition or a “closed door”? Without a “revelation” from God, which I never had directly, I was only left to follow inner impressions, which could have been merely my interpretation of events based on an inner desire to want them to be true. I may never know. I think now maybe instead of walking through obstacles victoriously, there may have been times when I shoved the doors open, believing that it was my calling to do so. I am not so sure now. Looking back I can see that at every turn I defied the obstacles presented before me. Were they placed there by God as a gentle road block to keep me from a path of adversity that would only bring more heartache? Were they “roadsigns” pointing me in another direction? I cannot say. All I know is that the adversity they brought me has led me to seek the answers, and in seeking I believe I have found a more accurate picture of the way God works. His Word is the only sure source of guidance, and in my daily walk it gives me guidance on moral issues. But as for what I should do when presented with a fork in the road, two good choices, either of which are within His moral will, the choice is mine. It is my obligation to seek wisdom from God to make a good choice. If I choose to follow bad advice, thinking it is God’s way of revealing to me the way, I may be no better off than if I had just done what was on my heart to do. The choice is mine. I will inevitably make mistakes along the way. But now I feel certain that I need to make choices for the right reasons above all, that the choices need to be mine and not someone else’s choices for me.

I can see the thread of truth about God wants me to do with my life in little things He has put in my heart along the way. They were little hints of truth begging to be acknowledged, begging to be allowed to the surface. I used to believe that I must deny my dreams in order to embrace the bigger plan of God. I now can see that perhaps God was putting in me a dream, a godly desire, a gift which was part of His bigger plan, and to deny it was to deny His plan, and to deny the very person He was trying to make me to become. I was led to believe that only if I “become” like this other person, the heros, can I be acceptable to God. Now I see that God does not want me to become someone else, God wants me to become me. I love the quote from of Rabbi Zusya, who once said when he was an old man, “In the coming world, they will not ask me: ‘Why were you not Moses?’ They will ask me: ‘Why were you not Zusya?’” (Palmer, Let Your Life Speak: p11)

No dream or talent that is morally neutral cannot be used by God for His greater purpose. If God can even use my mistakes, even the sins of evil men, to bring about His plan, how much more can He do when we present our giftedness, interests and holy desires to Him? Are they not also a pleasing aroma to Him? I believe they are as long as I do them to His glory and not for my own. I cannot offer the gift He gave someone else. I cannot strive to have their gifts either. If I do, it will only lead me to obstacles, frustration and disappointments. I have to give myself to Him. There are gifts and desires inside of us that are screaming to be heard, and if we don’t let them be heard, a part of us will die. They are God’s signature within us. They need to be heard for no other reason than God put them there to show the world a part of Himself. We may not even know what to do with them, but we do need to do them. It is in doing them that God I believe will use them for His greater purposes, and in so doing bring Himself the glory and not us. If others don’t think these things are good enough or the right choice, they are not seeing things through God’s eyes, or perhaps are blinded by their own agendas, which are sometimes grounded in self-aggrandizement or fear of breaking the status-quo. On the other hand, I know God can use wise counsel to point me in the right direction. My responsibility is to pray for wisdom to discern between the two. I am thankful that God has brought to me people of wise counsel at this point in my life. I am thankful that I can see God’s loving hand of acceptance on me as who I am, and that I don’t have to earn that acceptance by becoming something else or someone else through my own self-effort.